Facing a cliff :

Hello to anyone who might be reading this (whom am i kidding?). My last entry was on April 17'th 2010. It has been 6 months since that day and reading every article is like swallowing a little time capsule. However, today i am not the typical nostalgic guy wondering about things gone by. Today, i am just a tired man. A person lost in a giant wave of thoughts, drowning in problems, and gasping for breath. It seems like just yesterday that i was a jobless person sitting at home pretending to study for some competitive exams, i never wanted to give. A LOT has changed since that. All those people i used to waste time with, they've changed, moved on ... moved far. In a passionate song sung by the legendary Jim Morrison, The End, he begins a new verse, singing : "... lost in a Roman ... wilderness of pain ... " I seems to be lost in it as well, and to be honest, i cannot go on any longer. I am operating at a bare minimum. It's like a Code Red. All hands on deck.

I cannot recall the last time i viewed the entire season of Manchester United play. I can not recall the last time i followed the transfer season. I cannot recall the last new metal song i headbanged to. I cannot recall the last time i saw a new movie. I cannot remember anything good i did. I cannot remember the last time i felt optimistic. I seem to be facing a cliff, pack of wolves on one side, and on the other side an infinite fall to the abyss below.

Its pretty new being this cornered in. Guess i HAVE to figure out a way all by myself.

"... the end of laughter and soft lies ... "

Finding Hope in Despair.

Hey! You are lucky ,

you got a break when life looked lame,

a marvelous feat indeed,

a ray of hope, when in dire need ?...

everyone has it ...(the ray of hope..)

but not me,

how much i want it badly,

but i can't have it sadly,

life's decided to be unfair with me,

at first i thought fuck it let it be,

but with many years to come,

i have given up,sadness my love, and dread my home,

i struggle to get out of this mess,

everybody has got tired of repeating the word hopeless,

Struggling for breath,

Getting cosier with death,

and with death by my side i'd elope,

dan to have a mind hurling accusations, give me hope,

at this very moment, I pray,

if these are the things to come, then put me to eternal sleep I say,

coz, at the sharp edges of sanity,

nobody spares a thought for anything, not even a profanity,

lifes tough out here,

to live in constant fear,

to live with the mistakes of the past,

to think that the next will be my last,

I want someone to join me in this world,

but the only things here are misery and cold,

This is not the fate for which i had opted,

my life's game is over, i am busted............